JUST CALL ME DAKOTA
 
 

                  CHAPTER 1: JAIL LIFE

 
    DAN QUAYLE WAS TURNED INTO THE POLICE IN A MAXIMUM SECURITY
AREA NEXT TO SUCH MONSTERS AS DOOMSDAY (THE MONSTER THAT KILLED
SUPES), CHELSEA CLINTON, AND FREDDY KRUEGER. "YOU' LOOKIN' KINDA
OLD, AIN'T CHYA?" FREDDY HOLLERS. "UH... YES, SIR." THE
X-VICE PRESIDENT REPLIES." WANT ME TO DO YOUR HAIR?" THE GREAT
MOPPED ONE ASKS. DOOMSDAY INFORMS HIM NOT TO AND HE DOESN'T.
"THIS HELLHOLE ISN'T WHERE I WANT TO CROAK," DAN SAYS, "SO I'M
BUSTIN' OUT." "IN CASE YOU FORGOT WE'RE IN CHAINS." ANOTHER
PRISONER SAYS. "WHO ARE YOU?" THE GROUP ASKS IN UNISON. "I'M
JAFAAR." HE REPLIES. "OK, JAFART-" "THAT'S JAFAAR, YOU PEON!" "DO
YOU KNOW ANY MAGIC, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY." CHELSEA ASKS. "I KNOW ONLY
BLACK MAGIC." "COOLNESS." "IF YOU KNOW MAGIC YOU CAN GET US OUT
OF HERE, RIGHT?" DAN ASKS. "INDEED." BUST US OUT THEN." "DO YOU
WANT TO RULE THE WORLD, MY FELLOW PRISONERS?" "SOITENLY, NYUCK,
NYUCK, NYUCK." "AYOP." "LOVE TO." "SURE." "OF COURSE." JAFAAR
ASKS WHO HAS OUTSIDE FRIENDS?" "I GOT BILL N' HILL." CHELSEA
SAYS. X-BARNEY SAYS "HOW ABOUT CHUCK E. CHEESE AND THE TRIX
RABBIT?" "THEY'LL DO." FREDDY SAYS "MY FRIEND JASON WILL BE GLAD
TO PITCH IN." "A GOOD SUPER VILLAIN HAS NO FRIENDS" DOOMSDAY
REPLIES. "WE'LL BUST OUT TONIGHT."
 

     THAT NIGHT THEY WERE FED POTATO CHIPS, JELLYBEANS AND LARGE
TUBS OF LARD. THEY SMUGGLED KNIVES, LARD, A POTATO CHIP BAG AND
SOME JELLYBEANS. "HERE'S OUR PLAN," JAFAAR WHISPERS, "WE TIE THE
BAG TO THE BARS, I ELECTRICLY CHARGE IT AND MAKE IT INTO A SOLID
OBJECT. THEN WE SPREAD LARD ON THE WALLS AND THROW JELLYBEANS ON
THEM SHAPING A DOOR. I MAKE THEM MOLTEN LAVA HOT AND THEY MELT
THROUGH THE WALL. WE WALK THROUGH THE NEWLY MADE DOOR AND WALK
INTO THE KITCHEN. WE GRAB TABLE SALT, CLEANING FLUID AND A SPOON.
WE WALK TO THE OFFICE AND GRAB THE PRINTER. WE WALK OUTSIDE GET
IN ONE OF MY AIR BUBBLES AND MIX THE CLEANING FLUID AND TABLE
SALT TOGETHER WHICH FORMS A DEADLY SMELLING SALT. THEN DOOMSDAY
THROWS SOME SALT AT THE ELECTRICAL FENCE TO SHOW THE GUARDS WHAT
WE COULD DO WITH IT. THEY BACK UP AND WE LEAVE. WE PUT THE REST
OF THE SALT INTO THE PRINTER AND JAM THE SPOON IN. WE THROW IT
AND IT MAKES A RATHER LARGE NUCLEAR EXPLOSION. WE LEAVE SCOTT
FREE." "BUMPIN'." FREDDY EXCLAIMS.
     THAT NIGHT THEY FOLLOWED THE PLAN EXACTLY. "IT FEELS GOOD TO BE
FREE." FREDDY BLURTS. "SHALL WE CONTACT OUR BUDDIES?" DOOMSDAY
ASKS. "LET'S DO THAT." THEY CALL THEIR BUDDIES ON THE PAYPHONES
TWO BLOCKS DOWN.
 
 
 

       CHAPTER TWO: REJUVINATED? WHY? BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!
 

    THROUGH ALL THE WRECKAGE AND CARNAGE THEIR LIES A GOOD MAN. A
SMART MAN. A LOVED MAN. A DEAD MAN. TRAVIS MICHAEL CHRISTENSEN
DIED A FEW HOURS AGO IN A MASSIVE ATOMIC EXPLOSION. LAYING NEXT
TO HIM A MAD MAN. DEAD. JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE COUNTRY OF
UGANDA. RUNNING TORWARD THEM WAS A FAMILIAR DOG LEADING THE
KARATE STAR BEN TRUBITS. "@#$%!" HE CUSSES. "I HATE TH-" HE
REALIZES HIS FRIEND DR. CURRIER CAN REJUVINATE THE DEAD! HE
CONTACTS HIM AND HE FLIES OVER.
 

(editor's notes, 1999:
I barely touched this story. Why bother reformatting? The original was a huge hit in my fifth grade class, no one's ever seen this one. Granted this one could have been better than the original with some work but I grew bored of it.)

proceed to the 1999 conclusion