wednesday
- sept 27 - 04:29pm
there's a certain level of
nirvana in knowing that you've fucked up. the nirvana in which i speak
is not achieved simply by the act of failing, nor is it necessarily the
result of knowing that you will do better or "succeed" next time. rather,
it is the feeling of fulfillment and the knowledge gained of one's self.
this knowledge, when applied, will lead to success if the knowledge is
indeed authentic and fully realized. but even in itself, it lifts the soul
of some of its burden, and, for some people, frees it of all feelings of
guilt. is this happiness in misery? it is not so simple. it is inner peace
derived from an act completed, even if resulting in what nay-sayers would
deem "complete failure." for it is not failure at all; one can learn more
by failing than by succeeding.
...or maybe this is a cop-out.
tuesday
- sept 26 - 08:51pm
the bewilderer becomes the
bewildered.
monday
- sept 25 - 05:35pm
"There's a fine line between
Cassanova and Caligula."
(everybody knows this is nowhere)
wednesday
- sept 13 - 02:39pm
AAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have to get braces on my
bottom teeth. for those of you not keeping score, i had my braces taken
off august 14, 1998. for some reason they have to put bottom ones back
on. how annoying!
anyway,
about yesterday's update, don't tak it too seriously - it was just a parody
of a common song, so i had to exaggerate and overreact on some things for
the sake of the song. everything is fine fine fine fine fine fine fine
fine fine...
tuesday
- sept 12 - 07:18pm
why is it that i can totally
mean to do something and it will totally not happen? i don't know, might
want to check on that...
why is it that i can study
for three point five hours and end up knowin nothin? i don't know, maybe
you have some disabilities!
why is it that my dog can spend
ten minutes walking outside doing nothing and have no qualms about pooping
on my floor? i don't know maybe he just didn't have to go?
why is it that whenever i get
a haircut i look like a gay porn star for a week? i don't know, maybe
it's a wake up call...
why is it that i can be bored
as hell and still not do my homework? i don't know, must not interest
you...
why is it that i have a heart
of glass? why you gotta go and quote blondie...
why is it these girls look
so good in the summer? i don't know, i didn't think you cared...
why is it that some of them
can be so thoughtless at the same damn time? what exactly are you getting
at?
it's the questions huh it's
the questions boy it's the questions
songs of the moment:
baxter - television
britney spears - lucky
christina aguilera - come on
over baby
common - the light
common f/ mos def - the questions
d'angelo - untitled (how does
it feel)
deftones - change
deftones - korea
depeche mode - strangelove
elastica - suicide
fuel - hemorrage (in my hand)
garbage - you look so fine
madonna - music
mystikal - shake it fast /
shake ya ass
radiohead - bones
radiohead - idioteque
ryuichi sakamoto - opus
rick james - cold blooded
specials - guns of navarone
wyclef jean f/ the rock - it
doesn't matter
monday
- sept 11 - 04:06pm
i
could float here forever...
From: "Vige Millington"
<zezere@hotmail.com>
To: howisya@hotmail.com
Subject: inspired by.
Date: Mon, 11 Sep 2000 19:40:03
GMT
hey travis,
i had an experience
yesterday that reminded me of you; it was notebook-worthy.
i was walking home from
class, when i saw a man standing by the side of the road. he looked
disgruntled and mournful, waiting
alone as the cars drove by. as i neared him i realized that he
was holding a cardboard sign
with a message handwritten on it. i assumed that he was homeless,
and i begin to contemplate
making a sandwich and bringing it to him. for some reason, the sight
of this man with his white
beard and ripped jeans affected me, and i wanted to help. i was
almost close enough to read
his sign when he began to speak. or rather, when he began to scream.
he directed at me words so
full of anger and hatred that i backed away, and couldn't respond.
"Are you reborn?" he kept asking.
his sign, the one that had inspired such pity in me was
covered with the writing of
a religious fanatic, full of hell-fire and certain doom. i was
shaken, and then i realized
that the salvation that he prescribed was no different from the
sympathy i had wanted to offer
him. everyone seeks gratitude in exchange for their own peace of
mind.
so..yeah. how's it going?
vig
friday
- sept 08 - 08:20pm
you
can't tell me what to do anymore
you
can't tell me what to do anymore
now
i'm free
now
i'm free
now
i'm free
vast
hi again.
been some time, eh? rather than spend 20 pgs talking about my summer, why
don't you just ask me about it.
meanwhile, in the last week
i believe i have found a good equilibrium between freedom, self-discipline
and misfortune.
one problem
facing me presently, as far as DNR goes, is that it will be increasingly
difficult to write things here now that i am more of a 'social' person.
commentary would be obvious. writing about and at the same time to a person
or persons is extremely difficult. so it probably won't happen much.
not that
i am not stressed out of my mind with other problems. but we'll get to
that next update. yes? yes. much love to my fans - ha ha ha ha ha....