25 July 2001 ! 10:19pm
just a couple passages from the wonderful book A Son Of The Circus by John Irving before i put the book away. do not
read if you are squeamish. maaf karo. there's a lot of really deep stuff in this book but the passages are way too long to
quote. some really interesting concepts too, like the "load cycle". i definitely recommend the book; it's probably my favorite.

"Both castration and sex-change operations are illegal in India, but a hijra's 'operation'--they use the English word--is
performed by other hijras. The patient stares at a portrait of the Mother Goddess Bahuchara Mata; he is advised to bite
his own hair, for there's no anesthetic, although the patient is sedated with alcohol or opium. The surgeon (who is not a
surgeon) ties a string around the penis and the testicles in order to get a clean cut--for it is with one cut that both the
testicles and the penis are removed. The patient is allowed to bleed freely; it's believed that maleness is a kind of poison,
purged by bleeding. No stitches are made; the large, raw area is cauterized with hot oil. As the wound begins to heal, the
urethra is kept open by repeated probing. The resultant puckered scar resembles a vagina." p. 57-8

"One cannot create a new place to shit without expecting people to shit there. A universal code of defecation applies: if
some people are shitting somewhere, others will shit there, too. This is only fair. Defecation in India is endlessly creative.
Here was a new latrine; quickly it wasn't new. And one mustn't forget the intense heat before the monsoon breaks, and the
ensuing floods that attend the onset of the monsoon; these factors, in addition to the sudden plenitude of human excrement,
doubltess exacerbated Vera's morning sickness--not to mention her proneness to fainting on that particular day when she
was both licked and sneezed on by a cow." p. 107

addendum (11:59pm):
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened
rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
-Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

24 July 2001 ! 11:22pm
Of course I had read that eventually you end up
losing track of time in prison. But it hadn't meant
much to me when I read it. I hadn't understood
how days could be both long and short at the
same time: long to live through, maybe, but so
drawn out that they end up flowing into one
another. They lost their names. Only the words
"yesterday" and "tomorrow" still had any
meaning for me.
    -Albert Camus, The Stranger, p. 80

that's pretty much how the last two months have been for me. where did i go wrong?

23 July 2001 ! 2:47pm
ok, i slept in really late today. i feel bad about it cos someone called me twice. someone else called me at 9:30am, which i got
up for, but no one spoke when i picked up the phone. so i went back to bed. it was a late night, and i fell asleep watching 2001
again. but that's not why i am writing about sleep, since that's autobiographical and boring. what i wanted to talk about was
the dream i had, specifically the final two parts. i dreamt i was at some sort of picnic with a crowd of about 50. at night there
was entertainment. dave matthews (solo) got on one turntable and made it sound like an acoustic guitar. he played something
that was lyrically off of crash but i was the first to notice that melodically and even instrumentally it was a huge rip off of weezer's
"say it ain't so". i took advantage of him being so nearby and there being such a small crowd by singing "say it ain't so" over
dave's voice. as i did it i stared at some geek/emo type kids with glasses on that i figured would understand what i am doing. i
still felt like an ass tho, since he's such a famous artist. (btw there is no dmb song that rips off weezer in real life.) after dave
shamefully finished his performance, amidst booing from the crowd for ripping off a weezer song so obviously, steven wright
(apparently) performed. this is really why i am writing this. he was wearing a really bright jigsaw puzzle shirt that everyone
laughed at him for (and he knew they were laughing). no one would listen to his jokes. so before he left, he asked people to
take a look at the backdrop he had set up behind himself. it was a chalkboard with an illustration. he explained it by saying that
in panel 1 we are awake but about to go to sleep. in panel 2 we are happily sleeping. in panel 3 we wake up to go to the bathroom
or whatever. in panel 4 we are back asleep again. in panel 5 we get up to maybe get some water. in panel 6 we go back to sleep. in
panel 7 it is now morning time and we have our business clothes on, but it's just a farce; we sloppily have our work vest over our
pajamas because we are still asleep. in panel 7 we are at the store looking to buy something, still asleep in our pajamas. in panel 8
we are still asleep and in a bride's gown (you should've seen the illustration of steven wright with his hairy face in the wedding
dress). in panel 9 we are still asleep and wright and some man in a tux are pictured "happily ever after". tell me you get the
symbolism here. i can't believe i could come up with something this good in my sleep (cos in reality i've never seen a wright stand-up
act nor have i ever seen or heard about this "sleeping" concept from anyone else).

22 July 2001 ! 3:14am
صåLϱ¥ G: (1:43 AM) teraiv si need u to come one liine nop
HowIsYa: (2:05 AM) hi :)
صåLϱ¥ G: (2:07 AM) traicn
HowIsYa: (2:12 AM) teraiv, traicn
صåLϱ¥ G: (2:13 AM) sdoerryry too much to runk
HowIsYa: (2:13 AM) what did you drink?
صåLϱ¥ G: (2:14 AM) penis hahahah jk
صåLϱ¥ G: (2:17 AM) busy?
HowIsYa: (2:34 AM) with the last breath from my soul i'm blessing you
صåLϱ¥ G: (2:35 AM) noooooooo
HowIsYa: (2:35 AM) why?
صåLϱ¥ G: (2:35 AM) cause my friend from unisversrut wants tio ghave sec with me
HowIsYa: (2:36 AM) you should fuck him. have sec.
صåLϱ¥ G: (2:36 AM) ok
HowIsYa: (2:50 AM) did you?? :)
صåLϱ¥ G: (2:50 AM) god yes
HowIsYa: (2:51 AM) how was he?
صåLϱ¥ G: (2:51 AM) he ripped me apart

21 July 2001 ! 12:22am
"how's your relationships with computers? cos i am online a whole lot, just as a heads up. i come from kind of a boring
town which is why i got into being online. tho of course that may change as there will hopefully be more interesting
people to do and things to talk to."
i'm considering putting that in an intro email i may or may not send my future roommate, a chap by the name of craig dougherty.

aiight, don't take this the wrong way or nothin, but one of my favorite parts about going into the heart of dc (besides oggling
girls in general) is seeing interracial couples. it's reaffirming. you don't see enough of them outside of big cities, which is
unfortunate. hell, you don't even see many minorities outside of big cities (or nearby suburbs like hyattsville).
 

20 July 2001 ! 4:10am
don't go to jail!   http://members.aol.com/freeza4/jail.htm

addendum: The Ice Storm beats the fuck out of American Beauty, no doubt. see that bitch. far, far, far superior.

15 July 2001 ! 7:26pm
what is most pure: air or water?

zezere: right. for me, june was toxic
howisya77: hahaha
zezere: not figuratively
howisya77: why was it so toxic?
zezere: toxic substances, conversations, ideas, thoughts etc.
howisya77: you beat poet!
zezere: yeah. if only
zezere: i'm kinda sick of it though
howisya77: *goes away from the keyboard to beat his poet*
howisya77: i would be too
howisya77: i'd get sick of the bullshit
zezere: yeah. i'm tired of waking up feeling hungover and smoked out. i'm especially tired of superficiality in everything. today i went downtown and browsed used bookstores and music places and played my guitar and i realized that i've been so concentrated on living in the moment that i'd worn myself out completely.
zezere: i'd forgotten myself in a stream of people and intentions and millions of questioning eyes.
zezere: and that's not worth much.
zezere: ....end rant.
howisya77: :)
howisya77: thanks for the rant, i haven't received one in a long time.. i enjoyed it
zezere: yer welcome.
zezere: how about you?
howisya77: mind if i put it on my site?
howisya77: i don't put much up there anymore
howisya77: (do not read)
zezere: sure, go ahead.

14 July 2001 ! 12:30am
http://www.shoegaze.net/thoughts/062501.shtml
once more i have to link to an online journal of some bitch i never done met. this is jyll, stina's "friend" with weird tits.
and, once again, i have to agree with a lot of the things she brings up, even if she as a person sucks. she's overly dramatic,
makes confusing examples,

if you want to see a ghettofabulous movie directed by john singleton, go see baby boy. good shit. i was talking and
thinking like a gangster for a while after seeing it and i had an urge to date hoochie mamas.

big ups to ingrid for hooking me up with the most ego inflating thing i've ever read. i feel this is totally accurate, but i
feel bad saying that because it's so damn complimentary. it coulda said bad things too but it didn't really. anyway, if you
want to learn more about me, click the below link for my detailed astrological summary. it's frighteningly accurate.

addendum: bath tub girl! weirdddddd.

12 July 2001 ! 1:01am
I have met my new enemy: http://www.livejournal.com/~perfekt/

9 July 2001 ! 10:17pm
o i sleep.
i thought i rented 2001 on friday. i look at the video box today and it turns out i rented 2010. me so dumb. let's get dirty.

7 July 2001 ! 9:03pm
i saw my old pal kirby gawlick score some weed down at tim's joint. good job, kirb. "we" (?) won't say the name of the
place where tim's at, but let's just say i had my first cup of coffee in probably two years and am extremely hyper. i feel
like recording vocals for a song or two. the problem? i didn't make any songs yet!!

so anyway, i've witnessed kirby transform from a boring uppity girl into a boring uppity stoner girl. (she didn't recognize
me, btw, so i just did what i always do... observe people i used to know, not say anything to them, and have a good laugh.)
it's kind of weird how adults who have known me most of my life but haven't seen me in a few years always recognize me
but kids don't (yet i always recognize them). it allows me a lot of freedom cos usually the people i recognize i don't want to
talk to anyway either cos of shyness or cos i was never really buddy buddy with them anyway. like kate reed for instance.
when i knew her she was a very nice girl. but when she started being passed around at st. anselm's, she became an "overly
nice" girl. if you catch my drift. if you don't, two leters: H and O. and i ain't talking about water. it's funny stuff. anyway i've
seen her around school for 5 years, told a few people (3-4) that i used to know her, but she never said a single thing to me.
i doubt she recognized me or anyone mentioned me to her. cool with me, i don't really like ho's. and i'm sorry she became that,
but really there ain't no coming back. anyway i'm kinda stuck for what to say now and i don't want to waste my caffeine high.
so, big up to tim for the free shiznit and the job info.

happy birthday, ferret!!!! not that you read this shit anyway. but happy birthday, in spirit.

5 July 2001 ! 7:32pm
before starting the backlog of things i have to put in this entry, i just wanted to say to whoever doesn't look at the bottom
of the page, there are actually 2 years worth of "do not read" entries, and frankly the 2000 stuff is much more interesting
to read cos i was still trying to figure out who i was. now i know myself so well that this site's almost becoming a chore.
i like being able to post links and info here, but as far as all the psychological analysis, that's mostly done with.
also done with, i think, was my idea to have a sort of do not read blogger set up this summer with other people. basically
i chickened out cos i've been extremely antisocial lately (and have had little to say on my own do not read site). so another
idea bites the dust. no big surprise there. i just a passing thought that, since my artistic inspiration (photoshop) has died
out and since my do not read entries are much less interesting lately, maybe i am slowly becoming a boring person. maybe
the last four years i've been the most interesting person i'll ever be. kind of a scary thought. anyway here's the stuff i was
going to write before.

aphex twin has a new album coming out. its title is drukqs. it spans two discs and thirty tracks. it was mastered last
month. can you feel my excitement permeating through your monitor?

search whatever crazy file swapping program you use now for this guy "ali g". apparently he's a comedian on british tv.
very funny. thick english accent, but he thinks he's black. if you like comedy about misogyny, rock stars, and making fun
of america, you'll like it. especially the "women" mp3 where he advocates girls get into part time "feminism" (can you guess
what he means by that?).

http://www.allgirlsaresluts.com/
    not dirty.

http://www.buddyhead.com/gossip/
    dirty gossip.

http://www.x-entertainment.com/liquor/aqua/aqua.html
    aqua man vs. green lantern. brilly!

summer tv worth watching: south park (wednesdays 10pm on comedy central), that's my bush (thursdays 10pm same
network), the test (dirty polls with celebs on fx weeknights at 11pm), and various and sundry mtv2 specials. and go to
the theater to see a.i.! fuck what anybody tells you, that movie is damn good. everything about it.

i'm tempted to scan the 3x3 piece of paper i wrote this on instead of actually typing it up. but i will spare you. july 3rd i
was on the metro and there was a man with grey hair in the seat ahead of me by himself. didn't say anything to anyone
until a bunch of people came onto the metro car and a middle aged woman sat next to him. after the people borded there
was a long wait before departure. after a few minutes, the man said to the woman (first words he spoke): "if i had known
there'd be such a long wait i would have brought my hash pipe!". it was kind of funny.

on the same small piece of paper i wrote down a dream that a few hours earlier i had woken up from. have you ever seen
office space? you know the annoying and cheesy boss, lumberg? i had a dream where i was working at checkers, a fast
food hamburger joint, and he was my immediate supervisor. at first i didn't like him, but my friends were apalled to find out
that after a short while lumberg and i had become friends and talked frequently. oh, and let me mention that, during my
entire dream, jay-z's song "i just wanna love u (give it to me)" was playing. lyrics like "i'm a hustler baby / i just want you
to know / it ain't where i've been / but where i'm about to go" etc. anyway, after lumberg and i became good friends, there
was this strange sequence in my dream straight out of a movie. pages of a calendar flipped quickly to signify significant
time passing. very cinematic. the next thing i remember is being with a friend or two on my back porch spitting on a large
empty cardboard box or metal slab that was lying by our feet.

i can't believe i've spent 30 minutes on this update. i am such a dorq. finally:
songs of the moment:
jucifer - 44: dying in white
liz phair - south dakota
mos def - the climb
mos def - umi says
radiohead - cuttooth
radiohead - like spinning plates
 

Jan 00/01Feb00/01Mar00/01Apr00/01May00/01Jun00/01 Jul 00/01Aug00/01Sep00/01Oct00/01Nov00/01Dec00/01 Return To Homepage "Do Not Read" Explanation    Goats (Nick)"Do Not Read" 1999